Holiday Spirit has Returned

Two years have past since everything that happened with J and so much has changed since then. I've finally gained my holiday spirit back and my smile is a little bit more genuine. This past year has been about growing and learning, well I think every year has a bit of each but this one had an extra amount. I want to thank all those who have stuck with me through these years and who has helped me become the person I am today. I don't think I would be able to be this strong if it wasn't for T. Sure we have our fights and have been under a lot of stress lately, but he's shown me that I can open my heart to someone again and he's patient when I have my bad days. It's almost been a whole year since we've met and it's crazy to me how long it's been cause it seems like just yesterday I was telling my girlfriends about this hot photographer I met. 

Another thing/person that helped me a lot this year was my Interpersonal Communications teacher, she challenged me this semester to let go of things and self-disclose. And I learned this semester that I really don't think that I'm gunna have full closure with J until I actually talk and apologized to J's mother. I still have undercover feelings for J but I can't deny that fact that I'm falling in love with T. My heart and head have been in a constant battle this year. 

I just started working at High Tech Burrito and its been great, I've learned my lesson and I know what not to do and I'm living a better life. I've been a bit stressed out because of work, but luckily I took this semester off. Working has been a great relief and it give T and I the perfect amount of space. I'm back in the groove of things and I couldn't be happier. 

There are things that I still can't share with anyone and I'm not comfortable about talking about them with people but I need to let it off my chest. Maybe with time I can find the strength and trust to find someone to talk to about something that I know everyone else is tired of hearing about.... but I feel like if I don't find someone to talk about it I'm gunna break soon. 

For todays post I chose "Still" by Frankie J, I used to love this song and would play it on repeat over and over again. I've realized that this year is the last year for the no contact order between J and I.... I've been nervous about if he would try to contact me after everything.... I mean I'm living a completely different life, and I wouldn't be able to let go of T, I do love him. But I think I would be open to having a friendship with J, just don't think I could ever date him again. And I don't know if T would ever allow that.... my mind has just been going crazy lately...