Time to move on?

I've been on and off about moving on with a new guy even after everything that I've said and felt. I have been talking to a few guys and starting to form feelings for one, but I'm still not sure if I'm ready to say goodbye to J. I still have feelings for J, but lately it's been so hard not to listen to all the people saying move on. It's been so difficult trying to decide what to do and every time I think about it I say to myself "Just focus on you." But that has been difficult to do when throughout my life my relationship status has been the main focus. I wish I could be one of those girls who really doesn't need or want a man to come into their lives and sweep them off their feet. But the loving touch of a man's rough hands, the chills that run down my back from hearing a man's sexy deep voice, or the just skip of a heartbeat when he flashes that winning smile my way, are all so addicting. 


There's a part of me that is ready to let go of J but there is still a bigger part of me holding onto him. It's been a crazy emotional ride and all I wanna know is when will it be over? I have until mid-April for his sentencing date and I'm getting nervous to hear what will happen. But I want it to come sooner so that I can start writing to him and getting some of my unanswered questions answered. As it gets closer to April I find myself thinking more and more about what I want to do and whether or not I want to talk to J again. It's hard when your heart and mind aren't agreeing. 

Still Struggling

I'm still very confused on what to do with my life and my love life. These past couple of days has been hard. With all the confusion in my mind I've been on my toes and highly emotional. And just to add to my stress things between one of my best friends and me has been different and difficult. It's really hard to keep a calm head when I feel like I'm getting fucked over. I don't know if it was all the Jersey Shore that I've been watching but I really wanted to smack her this morning when I literally felt like she was disrespecting me and talking down to me. I love her to death and we will probably work everything out but it has been really hurting since I've been going through HELL since December. 

I still miss my boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) and its been really hard not to think about him lately. I've been in the longest dry spell in my life but I honestly think that he is worth it. Everyone is saying to move on and that I deserve better and all that stuff you tell to people who are hung up. But really no one knows our relationship the way we do and I really don't care what others say about our relationship. Its just me and him. But there are times that I feel like I need to move on, but right now I just need to do me. I need to just focus on my family, school, and my friends, well at least my true friends.