I've been a bit down lately, thinking about things, going back to December. It's been hard to forget everything when I still have undercover feelings for J. It's been hard to move on, I feel like people have forgotten about what happened to me. I don't wanna play the victim but I wish people would just let me take my time getting back on the field. I do want to get back to dating but I really don't know if I can move on right now. This whole thing has taught me that there are some traits that I need to look for in a potential boyfriend that I have been overlooking.
Lately, I've been able to talk about J more and listen to songs that remind me of him without getting upset. It's been helping me heal and cope with things. Been thinking about deleting his sister from facebook not to diss her or anything just because sometimes it just upsets me to see her posts cause it brings back memories I have of J. My memories I have been having lately are just hard, I smile as I think of J and the way things were; but then I have one memory of December come along and BAM! my smile shatters like glass.
I still haven't had the power to delete the pictures of J on my computer and my phone. I've had the power to no longer have him as my background for a few months now; but every once in a while I like to look at those pictures and reminisce.
On another note, job hunting has been stressful. I'll get a call, get an interview, then nothing. It's been annoying to put in all this effort and get a bit of hope then absolutely no progress is made. And on top of my frustration my parents are just adding more and more stress. They think that they are helping telling me all these places that are hiring. I wouldn't mind the help if it wasn't every day and coming from both of them. I know that my parents are only trying to support me and help me with getting back on my feet but sometimes I wish they would be a bit more sensitive towards me.
I do tend to bottle things up and hide my emotions; and I'm not very good at voicing my opinion or feelings. Especially when it's towards someone I care about. Sometimes I let my friends walk all over me, without me voicing anything and I think I need to start working on that because it's hurting me and the relationships I have with them.
Lately, I've been able to talk about J more and listen to songs that remind me of him without getting upset. It's been helping me heal and cope with things. Been thinking about deleting his sister from facebook not to diss her or anything just because sometimes it just upsets me to see her posts cause it brings back memories I have of J. My memories I have been having lately are just hard, I smile as I think of J and the way things were; but then I have one memory of December come along and BAM! my smile shatters like glass.
I still haven't had the power to delete the pictures of J on my computer and my phone. I've had the power to no longer have him as my background for a few months now; but every once in a while I like to look at those pictures and reminisce.
On another note, job hunting has been stressful. I'll get a call, get an interview, then nothing. It's been annoying to put in all this effort and get a bit of hope then absolutely no progress is made. And on top of my frustration my parents are just adding more and more stress. They think that they are helping telling me all these places that are hiring. I wouldn't mind the help if it wasn't every day and coming from both of them. I know that my parents are only trying to support me and help me with getting back on my feet but sometimes I wish they would be a bit more sensitive towards me.
I do tend to bottle things up and hide my emotions; and I'm not very good at voicing my opinion or feelings. Especially when it's towards someone I care about. Sometimes I let my friends walk all over me, without me voicing anything and I think I need to start working on that because it's hurting me and the relationships I have with them.
