Lately I've been trying to educate myself about addictions and addicts. I figured I should look into these things before I decide whether or not I want J back in my life because he'll be an addict his whole life but hopefully not one that uses. I've been looking into what people who live with addicts have to go through and look out for. I've been trying to learn everything I need to so I can make the best decision but I'm not sure if I can compare J to the stories and facts I've been learning. It's been a interesting search so far.
On top of that I've been wanting to do some more research on the legal manor of the case's outcome. I don't officially know if there is a restraining order between me and J and I want to find out, one, if there is a restraining order, two, if there is, is there a way to have it lifted, and three, how and when can I visit him. I'm not sure what people will say but I want to go into some of the offices that I had to go to during the court process and seeing if I can talk to someone who would know more about the legal outcomes.
I just want to talk to J and just find out if he is serious about being sober and what his plans will be after he's released. I mean I know it's a few more years until he will be released but I need to prepare myself.
Although I've been looking into all these things I'm still not sure if my future has a place for J. As much as I still love him I don't know if I would be strong enough to help him recover from his addiction. I want to help him but I just don't know how strong I can be and how I will feel around J if I see him.
On another note, J's ex girlfriend before me, who I'll refer to as CB, was a high school friend of mine but after she heard about me and J hooking up in 2010 she started her hatred for me. According to her, she and J never broke up when I hooked up with him even though he told me they weren't together, and on top of that she cheated on him with everything with a pee pee. And when she confronted me about it I was trying to be civil about it but there's nothing civil about her. I fear my life because of her more than J. And I kinda blame J's addiction on her, even though I don't know if it was her who introduced him I know they were doing it together when they were together.
Anyways, I've been trying to ignore my fear of seeing J's ex even though I thought I did the other day. But I will be the bigger person even if she doesn't know how to be. For this post I decided to pick two songs "Blind to You" by Collie Buddz, I love Collie Buddz and this song is just amazing and I really like the meaning and everything. The second song is "Same Love" by Mackelmore I LOVE this song. It's beautiful, sound and meaning.
Blind to you- Collie Buddz
Same Love- Mackelmore
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