Sometimes I really hate dreams. You know those dreams that you wake up and you can't tell if it was a dream or true? Well I had one of those about J and I. It was like December never happened and we were happier than ever. But when I woke up to find myself on the pull out couch with my friend the harsh reality started to kick in. It's interesting how I sometimes actually forget what happened in December but the rest of the relationship I had with J is crisp in my mind.
To add to my miserable morning in class I couldn't stop thinking about everything. My teacher was practicing for our test in Spanish and while working on the oral part he asked "¿dónde celebrar su último cumpleaños? which means "where did you celebrate your last birthday?" My last birthday I spent the morning in the hospital and the rest of the day in bed. My 21st birthday was a day I didn't want to remember because I wanted to be drunk; but it's a day I will never forget.
I'm trying to stay strong and wear a bright smile today especially because it's my best friend's 21st birthday and I want her to have an amazing day because of what happened to mine. Sometimes I wonder if people can even see my pain in the smile I bare on days like today. It's ironic how I'm screaming inside but on the outside I'm calm and collected. Sometimes it scares me how well I can hide the emotions I'm going though. But I guess it's best not to think about things and just move on through your day like nothing happened. So here's to those of us who are screaming inside but shinning on the outside.
To add to my miserable morning in class I couldn't stop thinking about everything. My teacher was practicing for our test in Spanish and while working on the oral part he asked "¿dónde celebrar su último cumpleaños? which means "where did you celebrate your last birthday?" My last birthday I spent the morning in the hospital and the rest of the day in bed. My 21st birthday was a day I didn't want to remember because I wanted to be drunk; but it's a day I will never forget.
I'm trying to stay strong and wear a bright smile today especially because it's my best friend's 21st birthday and I want her to have an amazing day because of what happened to mine. Sometimes I wonder if people can even see my pain in the smile I bare on days like today. It's ironic how I'm screaming inside but on the outside I'm calm and collected. Sometimes it scares me how well I can hide the emotions I'm going though. But I guess it's best not to think about things and just move on through your day like nothing happened. So here's to those of us who are screaming inside but shinning on the outside.
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