Court Date Close By

J's court date is just around the corner and it's been on my mind lately. I'm nervous to speak in court and I'm not sure if I'm ready to let everyone know how I feel about everything. With the court date on my mind it's been hard to concentrate on other things that are going on with my life. I'm going to Reno in two days with one of my best friends for her 21st birthday and of course I'm excited and I'm gunna try my best to have fun and make sure the birthday girl always has a drink in her hand, but I still have J's memories hanging over my head. 

Spring Break is also next week which means I might be spending a lot of time thinking about everything. I need to become more organized with things, start thinking of what I want to say to the court and finish my letter to J... if I get to write to him. I feel like J is always going to be in the back of my head and the bottom of my heart.  Lately it's been hard to talk to people about him. I went up to his buddy's house today and I mentioned J's name and I swear I could hear the ants marching because of how quiet they got. I know his boys are going to be kicking it with him again and I'm not even sure whether or not I will be too. But that's if or when he gets out. My hopes are that the court will send him to a long term treatment plan because I know that he is a good man with a bad habit. I've been having so many good flash backs of me and J. He's been in my dreams a lot lately and I don't know what that means or if it means anything. 

With J on my mind I haven't been making much of an effort to find another guy. I figured at this point I'm just going to focus on me and if J is still in my mind and heart when he gets out and he's sober then i guess we will see what happens.


ON TOP of all that stress one of my best friends is moving to SoCal 7 hours away with her boyfriend. I'm happy and excited for her but I know it's gunna be a very bittersweet goodbye. I'm gunna miss my spaghetti.