Stress Stress Stress I need a REST

Well I finally figured out that I do still need therapy, haven't been in a while and lately I've been moody and I've been highly emotional. I need to work on a lot of things individually before I can think farther with T. Although T and I have reached a rough patch due to my moodiness and other things. We don't see eye to eye on one thing and I guess it's set us back even though we aren't together, seems like neither of us wants to give into the other. I'm a highly jealous person and that's something I've been trying to work on but it's been hard with T testing it with these online chicks. 

Although T and I talked things out a bit, it seemed like we pretty much agreed to disagree. I'm a damaged person there's no doubt about that, everything that happened with J fucked me up and unfortunately T has been paying for it. I've been trying to trust his word of his honesty but it's been hard when I just don't trust ANY man. T and I had a talk about J, which has brought me to questioning where I stand with J. 

I've started to hate J again. Like I said earlier everything that happened with J fucked me up. I over think every little detail, I stress myself out on something I shouldn't stress about, and I'm pushing away someone who I care about. I'm scared; scared to lose T and I don't think he even cares whether or not I'm near him. I feel like if I walked away he wouldn't even try to fight for me because he'd be too busy finding my replacement. Sometimes I feel like he's not attracted to me anymore; like he's tired of me, I'm old news. Maybe that's why he's been talking to all these girls. Oh well he's tired with this toy and wants a new shiny, big breasted bitch. UGH.

I chose "Chasin' Echoes" by Gravy and the Biscuits (AKA The Lonely Biscuits). I love the vocals in this song especially the chorus. But the message of the song is something I want to start focusing on and that's me. I need to start focusing on what I want to do with my life, not who I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'm always stressing myself out over things that I shouldn't be stressed about. I'm great at putting ideas in my own head and psyching myself out. I need to stop stressing and start living.