Finding My Way

I had a meeting with the school counselor and I've finally decided what my goal in school is and it feels amazing. I just have to stay focused and motivated. Although it wasn't the way I thought I had to take it's a route that seems right for me. I'm planning on going into the Dental Assisting program and AA in Spanish then hopefully finding a job after I'm done with that and save up and go out into the world alone and then if I still have that desire to be a nurse go back to school. I have a long time in my life to come and it's finally clear after talking to MANY people I've learned your career can change as many time you want. 

So with all that I haven't put much thought to J lately. School has been a great distraction from everything that is still going on behind the curtains. I think the best thing is to just put it aside for now and just focus on me and let all my emotions settle down. I don't know what is ahead for me, my future is so bright that I can't even tell its dark right now. I miss J and I still love him but I need to love me. I need to find me. I was willing to go against my morals to please J and in the end it fucked me over. I've learned my lesson and I'm listening to myself and controlling my own life. 

I need to start be healthier and grabbing onto the dreams I have and make them come true because in the end that's the only way they will happen. If I make them happen they will, no one else is going to give me a dream. So I'll get it myself. I need to be an independent woman before I can love again. I need to be a stronger person. And I'm so thankful that it's been working so well for me. 

But despite of all this new light to my life my memories of J are still on repeat  in my mind. But they motivate me. They tell me that, that kind of love is worth waiting for. Meaning if another person comes along who can make me feel the way I did with J, I want to be ready to be ME and be in a relationship. If that guy comes along and it's not J I'm not going to let it go by because of J. They have big shoes to fill but I don't know who is out there. I don't know who I might meet tomorrow, next week, month, year. I'm just going with the flow for once and it's very stress free. I can look like crap when I want and I don't give a fuck. 

So this post's song is "Who You Are" by Jessie J (but Jillian Jensen's version for my spaghetti). Because I've found me and I've got answers to the questions I've been to afraid to ask for. The wind is under my wings and I'm just taking it for a ride. Not sure what's ahead but I'm going into with a new view.