So Lonely

T is in Switzerland and I've been so bored. I'm taking care of his brother's cat while they are away and I feel like a crazy cat lady. It's been weird not hanging out with him every day but I guess its good that we are getting some time apart. We've been talking every day so it's not like I don't get to communicate with him. I've been thinking a lot about venturing off to other guys while he is gone, but I just haven't really taken the chances that have come up. I don't want to be that easy girl anymore. I used to cheat on my boyfriends and even though me and T aren't together I know that if I found out he was messing around with other girls I wouldn't be happy. 

On top of T being gone, J's birthday is tomorrow; his second birthday in prison. I miss how easy things were with J. My therapist keeps trying to encourage me to confront T with some things that bother me, but it's hard for me to confront T. With J everything was so natural like we could read each others minds and feelings (granted we had to be sober for that kind of communication); but with T it's only me reading his mind and him being clueless. I don't know if it's because I'm putting too much into our relationship or if he's just not very good at learning people. 

I came to realize that when J and I got together I was in such a great place before and that's why our relationship was growing so fast (or at least that's my theory). But now with T I'm not in a great place in my life, so things seem to be a bit more confusing. 

For todays post I chose "Doing Too Much" by Paula Deanda because I feel like I've been doing too much for T and getting a lot less back. I'm always wondering if he's really into me or if what he's saying is true. I feel like I'm chasing a fantasy.